The Motherhood Wound and how this impacts Estranged Mothers and their adult children.
We are all wounded by this. Some may think there is no Motherhood wound. That is not true. I invite you to feel into what I am sharing, not think it, see if you can drink it in, one sip at a time and receive.
This planet is the Mother, we often call her Mother Earth. For the last five years I have been blessed to work with an archetype from the 13 Moon Mystery School called the Great Mother. She is my greatest ally. And is the underpinning of my devotional work with women and especially mothers who are estranged from their adult children, which can be the most devastating and traumatic experience a woman / a mother can have. I know because I am also an estranged mother.
The history of this planet is that our ancestors worshipped the Mother / the Earth. People then lived on the land and had a closer connection with the Mother/ Earth. Most were farmers and learned to respect and have a reverence for the Earth /the Mother. First Nations people also worshipped the Mother. Here in Australia she is called Country who is deeply loved, respected and that all beings are connected with her. These peoples are attuned to the Earth /the Mother and their practises and ways of living were and still are in devotion to her and in reverence for her.
Then, the world radically changed. Why? because women are powerful. Some called them witches. Women held the ancient Earth wisdom. They knew how to midwife babies, use herbs, food and natural ways to heal and care for our bodies and most were the owners of the land. They were also attuned to the Mother and the Earth gathering in rituals and holding ceremonies to honour her.
Then the patriarchy came, in the cloak of the church and religion. They called women witches, their ways sinful, against God and they believed we were sinners to be only redeemed in childbirth, child rearing and had to have a man to “to keep us in check”, who became our head and took the land.
This is where the Motherhood Wound began, which is our separation to the earth, her ways and wisdom of the Earth. The patriarchal lording over us even continued in the USA to stop us coming together till the 1900s. It was unlawful for women to be together, like Woman’s Circles because they knew of our power.
It wasn’t just us who held the Motherhood Wound it was a societal thing. Both men and women are wounded in relation to the Mother, in reference to our planet, in the inherent powerful connection to our soul and power. You know how powerful women are, right!
This has been the foundation of the Motherhood Wound. We feel a disconnect to a power, we call it “woo woo”. We steer away from “woman’s work”, soul connection, we feel we shouldn’t trust our intuition. It also spills out into alternative therapies, ways to heal through herbs, foods and traditional ways. Even birth has become so medically oriented, steeped in fear that women only trust doctor’s, obstetricians. Everything has been wounded in relation to the Mother and our feminine power.
So how does this affect us, who have been estranged from our children? Well, because this is deeply steeped in our society. No reverence for the Mother, our planet, our connection to her and her power and our inherent power and wisdom.
The earth has become polluted, not just the quality of the air we breathe but also we have been poisoned from being connected with her richness and power. She is not valued, she is unloved and so has our role as Mothers and being women. We are disconnected to the importance of caring for her but also the care, love and tending to ourselves as women, Mothers and the feminine.
We are also disconnected to the love she has for us, her kindness her compassion. As a result we see so many people troubled, killings a daily occurrence, rampant racism. The mother and the mother role is not valued. We are disconnected to her, ourselves and the value of the Mother and the feminine principle. Some of us don’t even like being a woman, don’t like being in a female body, having periods, that we are the main ones who take care of our children. So many things are placed upon us to manage and made to feel we have to be perfect at. Like our careers, being caretakers of family when they get older, being the perfect bodied woman, the perfect mother and partner. And we cannot win because we’re undervalued by society, we are disconnected and not in a loving relationship with ourselves and the Mother. This is the Motherhood Wound.
So how can we, let alone our children have respect for us, for the Mother, the feminine in a world that is so poisoned against the Mother, women; our roles and the feminine?
Children are steeped in this societies twisted undervalued stance against women and the Mother. We have all been wounded. We don’t value her and the feminine. How can we have respect for us, the Mother, our mothering role, the feminine or our soul connection, when the whole world is so polluted and separated against the Mother?
From my experience, this is the core wound that must be healed to heal us as an estranged mothers and I believe healing the Motherhood Wound will change the world. That is why I am so dedicated to this work.
If we don’t heal this underlying wound in ourselves first, how can we hold the space for our children to return? And regardless of if they return or not you can heal your Motherhood Wound and you can also take steps to heal this wound for your lineage.
I did this this year for myself and with my mother. My God what a difference it has made for myself and my relationship with my mother.
This is a personal example of how this Motherhood Wound affected me as I was growing up. I wanted to have nothing with girls. I saw them as flaky just worried about getting a date, what they were wearing. To me girls were always “bitchy” and I really didn’t want to have anything to do with that. But it all really stemmed from my perception of my mother. Mum was a stay-at-home Mum. Her focus was on the house, keeping it clean and tidy, cooking and preparing meals for all of us. My perception of her was that she was a doormat, playing third or forth on the hierarchical ladder within my family. The way I saw it through this Motherhood Wound lens was that Dad was number one, us children second, animals were third and then, in my mind came Mum. To me, she always put others first and wasn’t valued in her role as Mother from my Dad and us children. With us, to some extent that was true, we were just kids. Later, as I grew up into my thirties, I realised how wrong that perception was. I saw how my Dad really loved my Mum, tenderly. He provided for her well. They dined out sometimes twice a week. Take away one night a week to give her a break. Dad adored my Mum and they were super close I realised when I was older. But this perception came from seeing her as not valued as a woman and a Mother. That the role of a Mother, in my mind was something that I did not want anything to do with as I was growing up because I saw Mothers as doormats to be used by their husbands and children. This is an example of how we look through the lens of the Motherhood Wound. It has taken me a long time to heal this wound I had within me in relation to other women, to even contemplate becoming a mother and the separation I felt with my Mother.
After I was estranged, I felt this archetype the Great Mother, who I closely work with had abandoned me because I’ve had a series of big deaths in my life over a matter of four months and it took me down to a place where I felt I wouldn’t survive. Then, after pulling myself out of this deep, dark hole of depression, grief, sadness and suffering I began to use my intuition again and started to repair my relationship with her because she is my main support in my life.
The Great Mother archetype is such a God or should I say Goddess send to us as mothers. She says to us “there is nothing you need to do to make me love you. And there is nothing you could ever do to make me not love you. I simply love you”.
Don’t you want a mother like that? Who just loves you no matter what? And she is not just a figment of my imagination. She holds me, I actually feel her. I lean into her. She embraces me. It’s not weakness to work with her in this way, it’s powerful. We all need a loving, Mother to go to, lean into an be held by. And she says the words “I surrender I receive”. This means she is your support too. When I have a problem big or small, she invites me to come and give it to her. Who better to surrender your problems to than the Great Mother? It’s not weakness. It’s powerful because we’re not meant to struggle and carry everything. She is here to support us, like we would to our children. We are her children. And like us, as estranged mothers, we want to hold our children, we want to love them. We want to meet their needs. So is the Great Mother. She wants to hold you. She wants to take your struggles. She wants to hold you in a loving embrace, so you can surrender it all, so she can work it out and you don’t need to struggle with it anymore so you can receive her love, her support, and her holding, that’s powerful.
This is the Motherhood Wound and this is the most important piece to heal in us as estranged mothers, I feel because we are mainly in excruciating pain and suffering. Our hearts feel like they’re ripped open again and again and again and again. When we heal this inside us we can return to peace. We can then come into wholeness, regardless of whether our children return or not. And we change this world, one by one woman at a time, we repair the pain in the world of being disconnected to the Mother. We return to feeling our hearts full of love, nurtured, valued. We return to being kind and loving to ourselves which spills out into every relationship we have. And for me and the work I did to return to wholeness, that is now what I use as healing pathway for estranged mothers (called the Estrangement Healing Map) which provides the most fertile ground for our children to return, I believe. But we don’t do it for that reason. We return home to ourselves because then we have us. That deep loving soul connection to ourselves. Because deep down, that’s the deeper relationship we all you yearn for and to heal. And when we return to love and connection with self, I believe, all things are possible. And till they return; we lovingly attend to ourselves. We build and live the life we came here to live. And we can become an elder in our community because we have been through the fires of this situation to return in peace and wholeness to bring the gifts to serve our community and that is what I am doing. I was called to serve estranged mothers like you to return to peace and wholeness. And I am so honoured to do this.
I hold in my heart that you also are able to heal your Motherhood Wound within self and then, if you feel too the Motherhood Wound of your lineage or with your living mother. And I hold that beautiful space of you holding this healed part of self for your child to return.
Much love to you my dear mother, never underestimate the power of the Mother, yourself as a woman and the feminine.
Much Love wendy phillis
Mentor of the 12 month Initiate program Enter the Mystery.
Temple Guide and Trainer.
Senior Priestess of the Priestess Temple.
I have Midwifed Souls to Come Home for over 20 years, to liberate themselves to live from their True Essence and live the life they came to live.
To find out what is your Estrangement Archetype : http://wendyphillis.com/quiz