WOMAN OVER 50, WHAT AN AMAZING JOURNEY

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My personal experience of discovering and living the life I came here to live.

Its over 20 years ago that I came to know about who I truly was, what I often refer to as our true nature or true essence. I had not ever encountered this before and this was in 1993. It started with having a three-hour intuitive reading with a man called William WhiteCloud, who did this reading about who I truly was and more. He became a teacher for quite a long time in my life. What he shared with me is that my intuition was profound and that if I really allowed myself to fully live the life I came here to live I would be doing exactly the same work as he was and at the time, he was an intuitive counsellor.

Discovering Who I am

So I followed this path and undertook three nine month trainings over two years and dived in more deeply to know who I truly am, what had been stopping me from living my true nature, what was my deepest hearts desires, called your land of plenty and learn how to start creating that life.

I must say I was totally fascinated by this and became incredibly devoted to this path of knowing and claiming who I truly was. I did become an intuitive counsellor and I started working with parents 1:1 and teaching groups how to access their intuition and to use their intuition as  a parent re raising their children.

Leap into the Divine Feminine

After this, I made this huge leap into the divine feminine path. From here my I would say my true passion became more clear.

Through this dive into the divine feminine work I realised that my calling was to serve women, to guide them to what I call “coming home”, to live from their true nature and create the life their heart deeply desires.

I had never really liked being a girl, and a woman. I didn't really like being around women. I know most of us have had experiences of being uncomfortable around women especially when we are in competition with each other. I didn’t want to have anything to do with women or being feminine, it just repulsed me. It was an incredible surprise to realise that this was where my path was drawing me to.

Because of this dislike of being a woman I knew that I had to go on this journey of embracing myself as a as a woman, and the feminine. And I found this really fascinating because I started to realise how passionate I felt about women and how unique we are and interesting. I started to change from within. I laugh because I remember clearly feeling drawn to buy this beautiful skirt which at first I would wear constantly and then in its latter years became my walking skirt. There were huge, huge, walls to breakdown and I had become really hard, a hard heart, hard, even ruthless on myself with judgement and criticism and of course others too.  That hardness began to soften and that has continued over a long period of time but I had started to embrace myself as a woman and the feminine. And I was so grateful for this.

Sacred Sexual Transformational Work

For about four years, with a group of women I lead sacred temples for women to claim their sexuality and sensuality coming back to our bodies, honouring our feminine bodies and feeding and nourishing the feminine within us.

I then began to start holding my own individual work to serve women by mentoring them, leading, and guiding them and holding sacred spaces to embody their sensuality and their sexuality.

I became a Tigress Yoga Instructor which was based in Tantra and Daoist practises and I adored this work. And I was honoured to hold these spaces for women. Often women would come into Tigress Yoga and they were like I had been many years ago, not really liking being a woman, being hard and finding it very challenging to get out of the mind and into the body. And this practise was just magic at facilitating this and I was entranced with this work. My daily Tigress Yoga practise was six days a week for two and a half hours. It was bliss so enriching and nourishing. It was unfortunate that the lady who created all of this decided to fold it all down and that really broke my heart.

Near the end of this time I realised that they were these still challenging edges I was coming up against, whilst working with and holding these Sacred spaces for women. These residue hard parts within me which could be a little bit triggering sometimes to be with women. And I felt I wasn’t fully serving my beautiful women clients with my full, soft, open, feminine heart. I knew that there was work to be done to continue with this devotional work with women.

The call to soften

I was calling out to soften and to love those places that I found challenging. And I was very blessed because, I found what has been called the priestess presence temple and I've been a part of this temple for last seven years. And it has been such a blessing because we work with 13 different Feminine archetypes, one each lunar moon. Being in this Temple and meeting these Archetypes has been deeply transformational and transmuted these edges, especially when I undertook the Certificate in Temple Guide Training within the Temple. The work and the Temple is exquisite and we all come to a place we are invited to vow to walk as love at the end of the year after loving the shadow parts of self into wholeness. Highly recommend.

And in about 2018 my work started to change I had been working with these archetypes for two years and I started bringing these archetypes to the women. I began creating and holding temple space for women which are incredibly transformational. But then I felt deeply called to work with women over 50 and started to create Rites of Passage for us to delineate between this time when we are post-menopausal and moving into this new phase of our life. I did that for a while. And then I undertook the Certificate training called the Temple Guided Training . I always want to bring to the women I work with the most potent space for women's transformation and transmutation to claim their true natures.

My Life is turned upside down as an Initiation to live the Life I came here to live more fully

Straight after completing my Certificate COVID hit and my life turned upside down and I went on this huge journey of relocating and actually following my heart's desire to live by the sea.

 And there’s always personal initiations to refine you before you can bring deeper work in this field of reclaiming who you truly are and to live the life we came here to live. From 2020 my life was filled with initiations. I had to meet this old story that I cannot have what I want, I don't deserve anything good, I'm not worthy and I'm not good enough and I'm sure you've had your own version of this story. And it can be freaking soul destroying to continue living under the hold of these old stories.

I thought I was just going to move leave by the sea with my dog, restart my business in this glorious life I was going to create living by the sea, and I didn't. Covid was changing everything. The prices of houses and rentals tripled. No one was moving. And I was facing into these old stories big time that I can't have what I want.

Then my daughter estranged from me, and my beautiful dog died and I just went into this dark night of the soul time for quite some time and I knew that there was just a huge amount of grief there and that I had to face into this grief. I had to feel it all. You know the grief never, never goes but it dissipated. I said I would give myself like about five months of just being with the grief.

After the floods in 2021 my intuition said put everything in storage, forget about getting a home, go house sitting and go on an adventure to reclaim your curious, adventurous spirit and get used to change. I had always hated change. So, this was edgy but off I went and all this has served me immensely.  I am now a much “lighter”, humorous, adventurous spirit who doesn’t always adore change but is flowing with joy and ecstasy so much more than I ever have and I am so grateful for that.

Devotion to Women over 50

This year I have devoted my heart again to women over fifty because I feel this is such a potent and powerful time for women. So many women our age group encounter many challenges. And this kind of initiation can be like going through a dark night of the soul. I call it “the uncharted terrain” and feeling lost. These initiations can be health related, relationships changing or dissolving, empty nesting, change or loss of a career, losing our parents, body and post-menopausal challenges, depression, memory loss, death, retirement, loss of a partner and the old one that subconsciously is there or consciously that feel it’s all downhill from now. I extend my loving hand out to women over fifty to offer my support, to Mentor, Guide or become a Midwife to reclaim who their true essence, live the life they came here to live and leave the legacy they would love to leave. I am passionate to serve your heart Beloved.

I am predominantly living the life I came here to live. There are a few more pieces to add to this. Recently one of these pieces of my life, that my heart was yearning for has popped into my life magically. This was around having an intimate loving relationship, and this magically just started to evolve. This has completely blown out of the water for me, the old idea that I can't have what I want. I just cannot entertain anymore that, that it's impossible for me to have what I want. Which is so juicy, exciting, and wonderful new adventurous terrain for me.

So, I'm absolutely delighted to call this Intimate Conversations for Women over 50 to have deepening around this topic of reconnecting with that passionate, alive, wild, part of ourselves that has been yearning to know what our heart desires, create the life we came here for and leave a legacy we came here for our children, our children’s children and the world. So exciting. This gathering will be all about that, and it doesn’t matter where you are on that journey Beloved, you are welcome.

 I am just overjoyed to offer this space for you and I warmly and passionately invite you to join. It will be such a beautiful honour and utter delight to serve your heart.

I thank you for your time and I so look forward to being with you.

Much Love Dear heart

Wendy Phillis

INTIMATE CONVERSATIONS WITH WOMEN OVER 50, 60, 70 

NEXT GATHERING:

DATE AND TIME

PLEASE NOTE THIS IS A GLOBAL EVENT – THERE ARE 2 DATES & TIMES depending on where you are in the world.

AUSTRALIA – DATE – Sunday October 15

TIME: 9 AM AEST – Sydney time

IF YOU ARE IN THE USA – DATE – Saturday October 14

TIME : 3PM PDT , 6PM EDT

TO BOOK: Limited spaces - https://www.trybooking.com/CMBOP

The Hidden “Secrets” of a Woman’s Journey over 50.

PART  – 3 – Change continued

CHANGE 4 - MENTAL HEALTH

Hello my darling sweet woman

I come to you today with a very open heart and I know Brené Brown speaks about vulnerability. It is powerful and I feel a lot of us avoid being vulnerable especially with each other and sometimes with ourselves. I'm going to be very open and vulnerable here because from my personal experience of others being vulnerable and myself being vulnerable, it connects us, it feeds us, it softens our hearts, allows us to peel away our armour around our heart and be real. Vulnerability is a strong part of being feminine. I share this with the intention that this serves your heart. So, this is me sharing, from a very vulnerable space and here I go.

I want to share about mental health. Mental health whilst I was growing up wasn’t readily spoken about. And until very recently, people that encountered difficulty around their mental health were put down, labelled crazy, different, that something was “wrong” with you / them. So, I feel we have to acknowledge this first around mental health, that it is only recently we have started to adopt a different attitude, point of view, that of embracing our / peoples experiences within the challenges of mental health and adopt a softer, kinder and compassionate stance with ourselves and mental health on the whole.  

A Pinprick of looking into Depression:

So I don't know when this began in my life but I clearly remember being mentored for two years with a with a woman who was a psychotherapist and one day she mentioned I think you're depressed. And because there was such a stigma about that I just pushed it away immediately dismissing, I'm not depressed because I didn’t want that label. I heard the words in my mind saying “depression is bad”. “I've already got enough on my plate that labels me from my mind” saying “I'm bad, I'm not good, I'm not worthy, I don't want anything more no, no”. I quickly jumped over it for not wanting to feel any worse, you know when you already feel overwhelmed by the mind telling you are imperfect and labelling you.

It was about a year or maybe less that she brought this up again and we looked at it. But this must have just been kind of the tip of something that was in my psych that I wasn't addressing, that I wasn’t embracing and that I wasn't willing to look at. I wasn't willing to feel that. But there it was again, and I was beginning to feel I could look at this.  

Deep breath. In October 2017 my Mum was about to pass over. I'd been to see her for about four weeks before all this happened, and I moved through a lot of healing with my relationship with my mother. My Mum always had a really close relationship with my older sister, and I did not have that. I had tried to open up conversations to create a closer relationship with her and now she was in her 90s and we had both witnessed my Dad’s passing I felt maybe we could open up a conversation to pave the way to feel connected more. I had stayed with her for another two weeks after Dad passed and I felt that maybe I could cultivate a closer heart connection with her. I tried to open up a conversation, but the comment was three words then nothing.

In October the year before she passed, I began to heal this relationship with my Mum on my side and maybe that is all there was, just my feeling of not being close.

 In my 30s I had started to look at this relationship and had begun to create a much more loving and compassionate relationship towards my Mum. I wasn't a Mother at that time, but my heart began to soften towards my mother but it wasn't until a year before she passed that I healed this wound.

October 2017 it was eminent that my Mum would pass. I was living 9 hours away from her. I was single Mum working full time, running a part time business and had a teenage daughter. One day she was very angry with me and rang her dad to come and get her. At first, I thought she's just going to go over for the weekend, but I could feel this death in our relationship and then five days later my Mum passed.

It was a really big time in my life of losing my daughter because she decided that she didn't want to live with me anymore. And my Mum passing. It was a sad, difficult time and I think I started to go into some depression feeling rejected by my daughter and the loss of my Mother.

Then at the start of 2021 my daughter estranged from me and then at Easter time our beautiful dog developed a brain tumour started seizing on Easter Sunday and we decided to put him down. I had been homeless for a while. I didn’t feel stability and security in my life and I'm a person who doesn't like change or didn't like change and then there was these two deaths in my life. And I really didn't want to continue with my life. It's challenging to actually say that but that's where I was at the time. But then I couldn't bring myself to act on that thought so I went through for most probably over a year of deep, deep grief and depression.

And to compound this after finding a place to live, the floods came, my landlord went troppo and abused me, so I became homeless again with all these thoughts of that I am bad.  Some mild depression returned as I began to live in my car feeling I can’t have what I want.

Becoming aware of this debilitating belief “ I cannot have what I want:

I am aware from my mid 50s this was what my mind would say I can't have what I want. This thought / belief would penetrate me deeply, I would allow it to paralyse me and I would often descend down into these dark depths of this old story, that I can't have what I want and feel so totally powerless to impact or penetrate my life to create what I love.

And I remember when I first started my journey on my personal spiritual journey which started in 1993. Then I undertook a nine month training with a man called William WhiteCloud and he would say depression comes from the belief and the thought I cannot have what I want.

After these experiences in 2021 and 2022 I remember thinking about that and realised I'm in this depressed state and it is because I just don't feel like I can have what I love. Also, I was in deep grief.

This impacted me deeply because I became what is called a Change Consultant. I had been trained in this area of how to create what you love. I had completed 4 x 9-month trainings in what was called the Creative Orientation. Stemming from Robert Fritz and Joseph Campbell’s work. I had studied with my mentor at the time and his Mentor. I was just saturated in this work, that I can have what I want, I can create what I love and I was so enthusiastic about this and I became an Intuitive Counsellor and counselled women to create what they love and to become who they truly were. This became such a passion in my life because I knew we were here for a reason and that that reason was to come to know, Joseph Campbells work what he called the Hero’s Journey. That we are here to rediscover who we truly are and to Live in the fullness of that. So here I was creating what I loved, working with people to come to know who they truly are, discovering what they were buying into to stop them from living who they truly are and what was in the way of creating what they love.  I was steeped in this for a long period of time. It wasn't just that I had learned these tools and basically applied them in my life, no I was living it and I was professionally working, fully engaged with it.

I feel when we don't know who we truly are and we don't know what we truly love, it's like where in this rowing boat without the oars and in a very stormy sea, trying t navigate our life.

I’m deeply passionate about serving women to come to know who they truly are, discover what they love and create the life they came here to live.

GRIEF

 Finding myself in this place of deep depression in 2021, where I felt I can't create what I love, it was like the flatlands and there was very little passion in my life. Yes, I was a mentoring women but there was this underlying depression within me and grief that just permeated my days. And I remember making a very conscious decision about really allowing myself time to feel all this grief, express this grief and just be in the depths of that grief. I knew if I didn't allow myself to feel it all and express it then it would pop back up again, like a Monster that could possibly be bigger and darker than the Monster of Grief I was encountering at the time and I didn’t want that.

And I’m sure you've heard people say “oh you just need to get over it”, well I don't think you do get over it, there’s nothing to get over, I feel it’s about going through it and navigating it all, feeling it all, expressing it all, at your own pace but predominantly it still resides in our cells. And it still resides in our body. Many talk about the ancestral grief that we all hold, running through our bodies. And if you think about how many ancestors we have and how many thousands of years that has been running, then you know it's within us. And some experience will trigger it and this grief will arise.

Mental health issues more prevalent today:

Today, we are seeing so many more people talking about their mental health issues. It's only recently been recognised and it's not where we point the finger at someone that there's something wrong with them or us anymore. And we are adopting and embracing as a culture, a more loving attitude towards people and ourselves with mental health issues.

It's not a great space to be in , that grief and there is still some residue of depression there and it often surfaces in my mind saying you can't have that. You can't have what your heart desires. And what more this can take us down, especially when it relates to our true heart’s desire. And I want to make a distinction here between true hearts desires and wanting to have something to resolve the tension of not feeling whole or complete. For example a tension to resolve the thought I am not complete may make us want to have a  Mercedes Benz to look cool or you know I want a new dress to make myself look more beautiful to attract a lover into my life, or I want a beauty treatment to get rid of the wrinkles because I believe when I have those wrinkles no one wants me. Our true hearts desires come to us through our intuition, not our mind, it is not about resolving any tension. We just desire something beaucause our heart wants it and it comes from that true part of self not our egoic self. They are not to resolve anything. They come out of the pure heart of something your heart desires as an expression of love to give to self. We came here with this purpose to express our hearts, to be the fullness of who we truly are and  to create the life we were longing for and desiring.

When this belief arises saying I can’t have what I desire or I don't deserve what my heart desires, it immediately impacts us. Our energy drops, we don’t feel so good and eventually if we keep believing what the mind is saying to us we can end up in a dark place where we could feel depressed, grief, shame, guilt, a whole range of thoughts, feelings and emotions. That has been some of my experience and my journey since my mid 50’s.

Resurfacing from the Grief and Depression:

From about May 2022, I started slowly bringing myself out of this grief, a dark hole and the depression. First I found a 2 month house sit so I could begin to stabilise my nervous system by having a beautiful place to stay in, minimal things to attend to, go walking each day, which I find does wonders for my psyche.

Then the next month I enrolled in a course that was originally taught by my first Mentor. I started to remember who I truly was. Started to look at the old beliefs and stories I was running in my mind that were impacting my psyche and body. I began some Osteopathic work on my body that was in crisis in inflammation after being in a house of black mould for 6 weeks.

I began to make formalised choices around what my heart desired again, which provided focus on end results I wanted.

I did a lot of resting, a nap most afternoons and started to feel my nervous system begin to breathe out. And I started to chip away at the old story that I cannot have what I want by making these choices I had to manifest a new car and I do not like doing things like that, that I have never done before. Each car that I have had I had purchased with another or had taken a man friend with me to ask all the questions and take care of all what I call the “the maths questions”, a lot of things to me represent “the maths questions”. I chose the end result of this car, for a certain amount of money and for the process to be simple and that is what I got. Amazing I can penetrate the world. I can have what I want. It was a huge boost to me.

This can be still a challenge for me to really initiate this passion and to allow myself to have what I want by taking action towards what I want in the world. And how I want to be, which is a woman who serves other women like you, to come to know who you truly are, to fully express yourself and create what you your heart truly desires and create the life you came here to live. There has definitely been a lot of change for me in relation to this belief. And I want to share with you how you can change the old mindset paradigm and claim your true self and create what you love. 

The work I am doing now:

Now I’m particularly focused on women over 50 / 60 / 70 because I know at this stage it can be incredibly challenging to be who we truly are, to reclaim our true nature, to live a life that is full of passion and to create what our heart desires. To not listen that part of our self that does not support us being who we truly are and what we love. Our mind keeps on telling us “You’re too old”, “you can't do that because blah blah blah”, “you don't have the money”, “you don't have the support”, “you don't feel full of vitality and energy”, “you can't do that that's too outrageous, act your age”. All these thoughts that run around in our heads can become very debilitating. We can become fearful of being who we truly are, expressing what we desire, saying no, going and buying that beautiful piece of furniture, being turned on and enlivened by a beautiful outfit that you go “Oh my God my heart wants that”, but our mind says if I wore that blah blah blah. It’s a never-ending chatterbox of limitations, criticisms and judgements.

Our mind is so powerful and can keep us in a box and we can stay in that box to our last breath. And I know you've heard the stories of people on their deathbed saying, “ I should have done this, I wish I had done that, I wish I had reached out to that person”. Let's not be a person who comes to that moment and has regret about not being fully who we truly are and believed the mind about who we are, what we desire, what we would love to do, let's not be that person. And it only takes a decision that I'm going to make myself more important than what my mind is telling me. And it takes practise to recognise and name what our mind is telling us, is not necessarily the truth.

There's a huge difference between what our mind says and what our heart says. And if you know anything about psychology you know that we go through, as a child what is called the individuation process. Here, we begin to develop a way of being in the world, some call it our egoic orientation where we made up beliefs about ourselves because we were told no, you can't do that, you can't be like that and we made up these beliefs: I don't trust myself, I don't trust others, I'm not worthy, I'm not good enough etc. And we start to live a life orientating from those beliefs because we wanted to survive, we wanted to be loved by our parents or caretakers so we could live, so we could survive.

 Then we come to adulthood and without these initiation ceremonies that so many indigenous cultures have, to mark this time of the childlike phase is finished we continue believing in these beliefs about who we are and anchor ourselves into that orientation which is not true.

It's time to live and empower who we truly are, bringing that being into the world. Especially at this time in our lives being Over 50, 60, 70. This is the most powerful time of our life. It is about reclaiming our POWER and to shed the old skin of the child, the belief system we have orientated from and intiate ourselves into our POWER, OUR HEART AND OUR LOVE. I BELIEVE THIS IS WHAT OUR LIFE AND THIS TIME IS ABOUT BEFORE WE STEP INTO THE NEXT PHASE, THE 4^TH ACT OF OUR LIFE – ELDERSHIP, CRONE, HAG, whatever you want to call that part of our life.

But we have to let go of the old paradigm we have orientated from to do and be that. The old stories must be named. And we make a decision, a line in the sand do we orientate from our mind, beliefs, egoic orientation of from our Divine Creative, Powerful force and Being? Its uncomfortable sitting at the crossroads but this has all brought us here now, to this place and its time for a choice. And it’s a powerful choice and there is no judgement for deciding either way. And I know for myself I have jumped back over that line many times. But I know where I want to be. And it all starts from an intention.

In those initiation ceremonies they / we claim that part of our life is over and to step into this adult hood which means about coming to know who we truly and live from our true essence. Or we stay in this roller coaster ride or mouse wheel of listening to the stories our mind tells us, recreating life over and over again from this orientation as if that is true. No wonder we have experience and so many people have mental health issues because we're still believing our minds and haven't been initiated into out true self and live from the past  and live from the tired old stories from our mind, that are so debilitating like my old story I can't have what I want.

How can we change this and An Invitation:

So my beloved friend I'm inviting you to a gathering that I'm having called

“Intimate Conversations with women over 50 / 60 / 70 with a Focus on Health”

 and I'm so excited to hold this gathering for us to come together and share, if you want to share, what are the challenges that you're experiencing in relation to your health and discover what are all those thoughts, emotions, beliefs and tired old stories we are telling ourself about our health.

 Then I'm going to guide you and I'm so honoured and delighted to be able to do this with you into your heart for you to connect with this deep inner wisdom and knowing within yourself around what your heart desires in relation to that health challenge.

 Then I'm going to take you on a journey of seeing the vision of what that looks like so you have a picture of this, you will see yourself in the vision and feel the end result of that Vision. Exciting.

And I'm not going to just leave you there with some like woo woo kind of image. Now we will receive what is the next solid step to take to begin to create and live this Vision to ground this Vision into your body.

I'm so excited to serve you. I want you to be able to feel and experience the freedom I've experienced using this practice. So you can create your radiant health, vitality, energy, beauty, radiance. Here's your opportunity to initiate this in your life.

I invite you to come and be able to move from that place like I was in feeling I can't have what I want, feeling consumed and limited in that depression and grief.

Thank you so much for being here. I know life can be incredibly challenging as a woman over 50.

And I know a lot of us have either been in deep dark holes where we feel like we can't dig ourselves out and we just have to surrender to what's happening in the powers outside of us. My hope for you that you come to know who you truly are, and  to have all that your heart desires.

 Thank you for reading these words. I hope they have sparked something inside of you I hope you have found a place where you don't feel alone if you're experiencing some issues around your mental health I hope that you find the courageous step to embrace what you came here to live.

I love you so much now look forward to being with you again soon bye for now.

INTIMATE CONVERSATIONS WITH WOMEN OVER 50. 60, 70 – Focus on Health

DATE : AUSTRALIA, SYDNEY,

SATURDAY JULY 29

TIME: 10.30 AM AEST

 IF YOU ARE IN USA

DATE: FRIDAY JULY 28

TIME : EDT - 8.30 PM

PDT - 5.30 PM

TO BOOK: https://www.trybooking.com/CJYZD

Much Love 

Wendy Phillis 

The Hidden “Secrets” of a Woman’s Journey over 50.

PART  – 3 – Change continued

CHANGE 4 - HEALTH

 The next change is about our health, this is not just related to menopausal let’s say “symptoms” or our face and skin changing or putting on weight etc this is about starting to experience a decline in our health.

 I feel from 40 onwards we begin to tread water, or we are swimming in a mindset that after we turn 50 it's all downhill from there.

As we know our thoughts and beliefs impact our bodies and our life experiences to feel vibrant, alive and be in the world. And this deterioration of our health can take us into this “uncharted terrain” and feeling “lost”, where we feel we don’t have control and can move into the unknown.

I do feel that we are encountering this aspect of change far earlier than we begin to consciously register we are holding this belief about ourselves. Whether we are consciously or unconsciously aware of these thoughts and beliefs that we are on this steady downhill or even a fast downhill slope to the end. Like “it’s all downhill from here”.

I know it's depressing and it can be incredibly depressing if we believe that, that's all really in front of us now, is old age, decline in health and death.

I want to be clear here, that this is a strong cultural thought soup we are navigating through and swallowing.

How do we cope with this?

How do we navigate this “uncharted terrain” in many areas of life when our health starts to decline?

To name some of these health issues – Heart disease, Cancer, thyroid dysfunction, arthritis, dementia, Alzheimer’s, mobility issues, blood pressure, diabetes, depression, mental health issues, to name just a few.

These can trigger fear in our system whether we are diagnosed with these or hear about them. And fear impacts our nervous system and our wellbeing.

It seems like Health is the No 1 change for us over 50. We can become fearful of our health declining or we do begin to  encounter health issues that can take us into a dark journey . We can fear being out of control in relation to our health. And I must say there is a monetary investment for the medical realm to trigger this, feed the fear and keep us out of our power in relation to our health. Unfortunately, we predominantly feel we are not empowered to be healthy and turn the issues we are facing into creating health. But I digress. You see I am very passionate about this subject. And was blessed at the age of 15/16 to come across my brother’s girlfriend who had health issues and was treating them wholistically. I at the time was experiencing severe constipation and was sent off to the Doctor to be recommended senokot tablets and later a bowel Xray , which was very scary. From that time I realised I could impact my health 100% and continue to this day.

But it can be super scary to encounter these health issues or feel that “it’s all downhill from now”.

The cultural soup does not support us to carve out a different perspective and create what we would love. It is thrown at us, mainly through media that we cannot create health. That we  just that you have to swallow the pill of trying to “manage” and “control” our health as best we can after 50 , but the main attitude is our health will decline. No wonder we encounter so many health-related challenges from 50 onwards. Like the minefield of menopausal symptoms and how that is managed medically. On a sideline I was listening to a gynaecologist who said when she was studying, there was this very small amount of time devoted to women’s health and body, as opposed to medically managing it all through medical intervention and pharmaceuticals that predominantly create more issues.

We often don't have the money to invest in our health like eating organic, having regular health treatments, and health insurance. Sometimes we don't have the knowledge and the wisdom about how to look after ourselves so we are healthy and vital . Because let’s face it we don’t live in a culture that promotes us being empowered to look after our bodies in a natural way. And we are not usually raised with the knowledge of how to change our mindset and how can we change this mindset of “it's all a downhill ride now” and this can be a massive time of being in what I have been calling this “uncharted terrain” and feeling “lost”.

It can start with one thing, then it becomes another thing and then another thing another thing and another thing. It’s a typical scenario. We can begin to be like in a swamp of symptoms, associated problems, illness or even the Big C – Cancer can show up.

How do we navigate this change?

 And the Big C is associated with more than just the illness of cancer but loss of hair, lack of energy, feeling powerless to “control” this and looking into the eyes of mortality. And it is so common now, I am sure you have either encountered it personally or have had a loved one experience cancer.

How does this change in our lives impact us? And how can we navigate this time?

Do we have great support or are we navigating this “unchartered terrain” alone?

How do we face into this time when there is so much fear around this disease and others?

It is certainly a time of great change and not easy to navigate life through these places.

Could we adopt a different narrative?

I feel these are the conversations that are begging to be had.

Yes, it is great to be heard about our challenges regarding health. It is important to share. To be met compassionately and in a non – judgemental way. It is important to be heard and give voice to our experience.

But then what?????

I want to invite you to a

INVITATION:

INTIMATE CONVERSATIONS FOR WOMEN OVER 50, 60, 70

Where our focus conversation will be around health

I am not going to be teaching you anything.

These Gatherings are for us to be together and share what is going on for us. This is the first one with a focus.

I believe we yearn for spaces where we can share openly and hear others experiences to not feel alone. But also, to be heard, witnessed in love and compassion. We love to connect and be held in a safe, non- judgemental space.

If this speaks to you here are the details

DATE: AUSTRALIA, SYDNEY – Saturday July 29

TIME: 10 .30 AM AEST

OR IF YOU ARE IN THE STATES:

PLEASE NOTE DATE AND TIME FOR USA –

DATE: Friday July 28

TIME: PDT – 5.30 PM / EDT – 8.30 PM

Your invited

FREE & ONLINE

TO BOOK: https://www.trybooking.com/CJYZD

The Hidden “Secrets” of a Woman’s Journey over 50.

PART  – 3 – Change continued

CHANGE 4 - RELATIONSHIPS

This section includes.

• Completion of a relationship with a significant other – a marriage ends, a de- facto relationship ends.
• Our parents are getting older and losing our parents.
• Children remaining at home longer than we had expected, children leaving home for university/ college.
• Estrangement
• Empty Nest
• Death of a spouse/ significant other/ child

Ending of a relationship with a significant other

The most common changing relationships is the ending of a relationship with a significant other. It could result in a divorce, a separation, or a death, which I will speak to in another section. We leave, or the other person ends the relationship and leaves, or it is a joint decision.

The ending can be sudden, a total surprise or it has been brewing within one or both parties for a while. Sometimes it can happen this way: you just kind of wake up one day or it's been simmering for a long time, and we wake up next to this person and go, you know I just don't want to wake up next to this person anymore.

This can be a huge change for women especially if you felt you would be together forever, and they decide they want out. It can be like a bombshell and your left with all the fragments you must sort through. It used to be, that men would initiate the ending of a relationship. Now, it is reported that more women decide to initiate the ending. This is a huge shift compared to 30 years ago, when it was a typical result of men going through a midlife crisis and choose a younger woman to offset the feeling of getting older, loss of being attracted to their partners and trying to retain their youth and virility.

You can go through survival issues, where am I going to live? If there is a mortgage or rent, how am I going to pay for that? It can bring a whole range of survival issues that can impact your wellbeing, your nervous system, your emotional and mental health, and can impact your physical body resulting in health issues.

If you have children – we worry about how can I tell the children, what impact is this going to have on them? Are they going to blame me? Children can side with the other,  that can also add weight to the stress we are They may decide to estrange from you.

It can impact friendships. How can I share this with is with my friends, will they judge me, will I share the truth and be totally open and honest? Will I lose friends that have been a great support for me. Will they side with the other?

And then there are your parents. Will they side with the other? How can I tell them and what will I say etc.

It can impact your work life and business too. You ask yourself “how can I continue at that level that I'm expected to work at and navigate this situation and juggle it all?”

As women we are driven to be people pleasers, martyrs, who have it all together while we multitask and try and keep it all afloat. “I’ve got this” attitude doesn’t serve us in the long run, something eventually gives. That can only last for a certain amount of time until we begin to suffer. We are not great at taking care and prioritizing our needs.

All this can run us into that “uncharted terrain” and feeling “lost” which can result in a loss of a job or business. It can lead us into a time of depression, shame, guilt, it can trigger off ill health.

And this change can bring us liberation, freedom, new vitality, energy, more joy, fulfillment, we feel like a new lease on life has begun.  I am so happy for you.

The two times I have left relationships I made the decision. One was a marriage, a loveless marriage where I was controlled by him but also the religion, we were in. It was a big decision to step out of this relationship. I lost all my friends and connections, in laws but I just knew I couldn’t stay in a loveless relationship. I was 30ish at the time. I had a job, a promising career that was really taking off, which really helped and I met someone when the split was imminent. It was huge for me to begin again with all the mental beliefs I had been “brainwashed “with in the religion. I was labelled a backslider but freedom and love was much more important for me.

Second was after a 17-year relationship and we had a child. I did not feel financially secure to leave, as I had poured my heart into being a Mother and my passionate work with women had been birthed, but not able to support both of us on our own. It was a big step.

I have always hated change so both these situations were really challenging for me. I was in my 50s when I left the second relationship. I was very lucky to have a supportive friend who took us in until I was more confident to hold it all.

I came from a family and a lineage that stayed together. My parents were so gracious with me in relation to both breakups. They didn’t financially support me but were on my side to love and support me even if they were miles and miles away from me.

What are the conversations you desire to have around this?

And if you are about to embark on this journey, I hold that you can have wonderful support and love as you make your transition and find your beautiful self and a heart full of joy and freedom. Life is too short to be in these relationships that don’t feed us.

And if you are a woman who feels I am too old to make that move, even though I am miserable. My love let us be your support, lean into these gatherings we are having to come and feel yourself again and share with us your journey and challenges.

Women are truly so loving and supportive and this is a reason I am setting up these gatherings to share heart to heart, to listen, be heard and gain your inner core again to flourish.

And if you’re not able to be with us in this way,

 I am here to offer 1:1 support as a Mentor. Reach out my love, you are not alone.

Love you

Wendy

Our parents are getting older and losing our parents 

Another situation relating to relationships is with our parents as they are getting older. Maybe they have come to live in our home. And you are facing into losing your parents.

You can begin to face into how can I do all the things that I'm doing now? Maybe you are still being a mother with children at home or they have moved, and we are still maintaining and nurturing a relationship with them as they begin to stand on their two feet. And we could also be holding up our career / business,  whilst looking after yourself and looking after your parents. Suddenly life can become more complicated  and heavier to hold while our attention on ourselves, our personal relationships, interests, and passions, that really fill and fuel us can begin to  take a back seat. And as a result, our energy and zest for life lessens and this can affect all areas of our life.

It can be an incredibly initiating and a challenging time facing into caring and looking after our older parents. And there's the question am I going to take them into my home? or am I going to look into at a nursing home? And how am I going to cope with, you know, hearing that my mother was lying on the floor for nearly nine hours because she couldn't get up again and there was no one else around her to yell out too.  That happened to my Mum. How can I cope with that worry, and these are changes that we all go through.

And how am I going to face when they pass?

And encounter the common feeling that now I am a “orphan?”

There is lots of change here when we start approaching that time when they do pass, how will I cope with that? The loss and grief of losing our parents, their love, support, and relationships.

So this is another relationship that we encounter change and can take us into this “uncharted terrain” and feeling “lost”.

Children remaining at home longer than we had expected, children leaving home for university/ college.

Another area of change relates to our relationships with our children, if we do have children. Maybe they're going off to university or college. Maybe they are staying at home with you, and you know you’re not just feeding and looking after yourself but a child or children because this is a very common situation now because of our economy, they cannot afford to be independent at this time or some know they are on a “good wicket” and take advantage of us.

Or they do leave, but again because of the economy return again and maybe again because they are not able to afford to be independent. These days it is common that children stay in the home for a longer period of time than what has been usual and that's an adjustment and a change that can impact us.

We can feel we don’t have our freedom and expected the children would leave around a certain age and you can become resentful and feel “used”. It can create tension and frustration, that you are not able to live the life now you desire and planned to live. Your income is burdened by this extra mouth to feed, pay for their use of the utilities in the home, that you felt would have lessened by now. And you may feel that you have to continue to work, because of this situation. Or you were expecting to reduce your workload to part time and do other things in your life by now and that is not your reality. It can burden us and impact our wellbeing, relationships, finances and having space for being fully ourselves.

Estrangement

Then there's another change which involves estrangement. It has become more prevalent that children decide to estrange from us. This change can be utterly devastating. I have personally experienced this and it has taken me into a very dark place into “uncharted terrain” and devastation. It can turn your whole being upside down and inside out. And it can be an intense time of feeling “lost”. This is a journey I wish for no mother. The loss and grief can drive us to feeling we don’t want to continue with our lives.

And this change is not openly talked about. I know for myself, there was huge amount of shame as I had not heard of it before or experienced others encountering this. Therefore, I didn’t reveal this for some time and kept it inside of me, just beating myself up and being in deep sadness, grief and loss.

Another change related to Estrangement is when we, as Mothers must take action to estrange from our children. This could be due to your child being an addict and you have helped as much as possible, and the child has repeated again and again “I am going to change” and pleads “give me one more chance” but it continues. Possibly the child after being told to leave can smack you in the face with “you don’t love or care for me” and “you have always been selfish”.

For some Mums the child remains, and the boundaries are continually crossed, damage can be done to the home, yourself, your bank account and more. We either continue to stay in this relationship or not.

Both decisions have an impact. We can feel guilty that we have to remove them from the house, maybe with Police have been involved or court orders have needed to be put in place.. Mothers in this situation can be telling themselves they are not being a good Mum and you could be judging yourself saying to ourselves “it is our fault that they are into drugs etc”. It is also difficult to watch your child hurt themselves and the pain they are causing you and themselves.

Empty nest

Another change around this time is empty nesting where the children have left the home and suddenly you're on your own and you might be with a partner or someone that you live with or not. And your reaction to being an “empty nester”  which is very common is yay, yeah I've got my whole life and space back again I can do what I want, I can eat when I want to,  if I leave the home if there's no one else living in the home I and I can leave my home as such and I come home and I know it's going to be in the same state I left it in whether that's messy or you know like clean and tidy.

 But for others it can be a devastating time because let's face it if we have been mothers, I know for myself that I lived through my child, that my value was through being a mother and suddenly you're lost your identity and “purpose”. And you begin to enter into this “uncharted terrain” and feeling “lost”. There’s this is big void in our life.

Death of a partner, a dear beloved friend, or a child

My dear One, I am so sorry that you have encountered losing a loved One. Such a huge initiatory journey.

I am sure you have felt lost on this journey. The grief and pain of losing a dear one is intense. You may have felt, or you feel you don’t know if you want to go on.

I hold that you have support around you, that can hold your hand through this terrain, whether it is recent or was a while ago. Grief and loss is a process we each uniquely walk.  

The impact can be brutal  - our wellbeing, health, mental health , security, maybe some days you can’t even get out of bed, whether we had warning of the ending of their life or not. And it is a very difficult path to walk losing a child, when we thought we would be the one leaving first.

This is another area of change that is not always openly spoken about, and we need a space to share with others who have compassion for us.

And these situations can take us into the “unchartered terrain” and feeling “lost”.

INVITATION – Women over 50

Intimate, Safe, and Nourishing conversations about our journey after we turn 50, 60, 70

Greetings Dear One,

 I have been recently sharing about the experiences we encounter after we turn 50, 60, 70 that are not openly shared about.

We, as women, love to come together and share. We yearn for spaces where we feel safe, that are intimate and confidential, where we can rub shoulders with other women and share heart to heart. These spaces nourish and feed us. And sometimes we don’t have a circle of women we can be with and receive this nourishment.

That is why I am passionate about setting up these spaces for us, to come together. They are online and free. To share with other women, be heard, listen, and receive this nourishment we yearn for, to know we are not alone.  

There are a lot of changes we move through and encounter after we turn 50. A lot of these changes are challenging, and we don’t often have the space to hear about our common experiences and openly share. Here is an opportunity. Come listen, share if you desire, be met and let’s create community for us, to support our journeys. Your so Welcome.

I am so looking forward to having your company, your voice and beautiful presence.

These gatherings are FREE and you can come and see if they feel like a “fit” for you.

Here is your invitation to our first gathering.

DATE: - NOTE FOR AUSTRALIA AEST – SYDNEY

SUNDAY, July 9 @ 10.30 am

DATE: - NOTE FOR USA

 SATURDAY, July 8

EDT – 8.30 PM

PDT – 5.30 PM

I am asking you to register to keep our Gathering a safe space.  

TO BOOK: https://www.trybooking.com/CJOTA

Much Love 

Wendy

The Hidden “Secrets” of a Woman’s Journey over 50.

Part 1

I have been engaging in some interesting and fascinating conversations with some of my close women friends who are over 50. We have been sharing about our experiences during this time of being over 50, 60 years. There seems to be a large proportion of us after we turn 50 years, we encounter a great deal of change. Well, we all know that – menopause, body changes etc - but what is not openly talked about and named is a dive into what I am labelling the “uncharted terrain”.

This “uncharted terrain” Is like walking into the “unknown”, somewhere we haven’t navigated before. And associated with this “uncharted terrain” there is this common feeling of being “lost”.

I am wondering if you resonate with what I am sharing?

Do you feel after you turned 50, 60, 70, that you went through this time of feeling like you’re in or were in “uncharted terrain”, the unknown? A time where you felt you had never navigated before? Maybe your life, body, relationships started turning upside down and ? or inside out?

And did you feel “lost” during this time, isolated, alone, no one to share these feelings and experiences with?

 And we had this question: What is our journey from this time onward about?

It wasn't so long ago that our lifespan as women, was only into our 50s. Now, we tend to have a longer lifespan. Most of us will live into our 80s and 90s and beyond, so it is relatively recent that we are experiencing this phenomenon of encountering the “uncharted terrain”. And no wonder we haven’t been discussing this amongst ourselves because it’s pretty vulnerable stuff and we think maybe we will be seen as “wacky” or “crazy” and judged for not “having it together”. I mean wasn’t that what men thought, defined us and we have adopted this cultural "tag" of being crazy? And of course, there is another reason why we are not talking about this, because plain and simple there is the big “S”. The big “S” is shame.

As women, when we reach our 50s we have usually accomplished a lot: raising a family, established businesses, climbed the career ladder, educated, self-sufficient, maybe a “position” within the community. Most of us have navigated a challenging, complex life and feel pretty much we can manage life and “control” circumstances, relationships, our multi-tasking and ourselves.

Then we hit this life changing time . encounter the “uncharted terrain” and feel ashamed that we are not coping as well as we think we should. After all we have navigated so much until now and have accomplished much. Facing into this “uncharted terrain” we judge and criticize ourselves and feel we have lost “control” of our lives, circumstances, relationships, our health, bodies, finances,etc and beautiful, unique selves.

I am going to share more about this, our journey as women over 50 and offer us some support because I love being with women. It has been my passion since my late 40s to support women on our journey to what I call “Coming Home”.  I would love to share more with you so please stay tuned. And if you feel courageous enough you might like to comment about all that I have shared here so far. I really look forward to hearing from you and about your experiences of encountering the “uncharted terrain” and feeling “lost”, which I will talk about more next post. Stay tuned my loves.

AND I am creating INTIMATE, SAFE, NOURISHING SPACES FOR US TO GATHER TOGETHER & SHARE

These are going to be Online and FREE

I am going to be offering quite a few over the next month

YOU ARE INVITED

My intention is to offer spaces for us to gather in, to have conversations about what we experience after we turn 50. These Gatherings are for us to share, be heard, listen to each other, with the view to create Community.

These Gatherings will be non- judgemental, foster love, compassion and care for each other.

OUR FIRST GATHERING:

DATE: - FOR AUSTRALIA, SYDNEY, AEST : SUNDAY JULY 9 

TIME: 10.30 AM AEST

DATE : FOR YOU IF YOUR IN USA: SATURDAY JULY 8 

TIME: EDT - 8.30 PM

PDT - 5.30 PM

I am asking you to register so we can keep the space safe

TO BOOK YOUR PLACE: https://www.trybooking.com/CJOTA

I am so looking forward to being with you

Until then

Much Love to you and be kind and gentle on yourself.

Wendy

The Hidden “Secrets” of a Woman’s Journey over 50.

PART 2 – Feeling “Lost”

Hello and welcome back my Beloved Ones.

I started sharing in Part 1 of these posts about conversations I have been delightfully having with my dearest and closest women over 50 re the experiences we have been encountering since turning 50, 50 and 70 years.

Something we have all found a part of this journey is a time that I have labelled as being in a “uncharted terrain”.  These times have been like a time of walking into the “unknown”, where we have never been before. And associated with encountering of this “unknown” territory we all experienced this common feeling of being “lost”.

Image : Rosie Unsplash

We also shared about our lives after we reached our 50s. We felt like we had achieved a lot: raised children, worked to establish careers, some of us had established businesses – which can be our babies – had various types of relationships, educated ourselves, felt pretty self sufficient and to a large extent “in control” of our lives, our bodies, relationships, finances etc.

And then after turning 50 things started to change. And this change wasn’t just related to menopause, wrinkles, cellulite, no, we started to encounter let’s say a “pulling apart”,a disintegration, a collapsing of the structures around us and sometimes our self. There was this moving into the “uncharted terrain” that I shared about in Part 1, ( see above).  You might want to read Part 1 before continuing.

This “unchartered terrain” is not so openly spoken of with our friends, colleagues, and families. This could be because we feel shame about being in this space, after having been able to be “in control” , having things “all together” or that’s how things appeared to the outside world. We can feel shame around this and judge and criticize ourselves, becoming our worst enemy, which creates more stress. We may not share about what is happening for us because we don’t want to be vulnerable and appear “crazy”, which lets face it the patriarchal culture has branded us as, as we move through menopause and post-menopausal years. No wonder we haven’t been openly sharing about.

In this “unchartered terrain” we can feel “lost”. We find ourselves in the unknown and the unknown is that, unknown. Somewhere we haven’t navigated before. Of course we will feel like this. It is like walking into a dark forest, at midnight, the moon is dark and not shining its light to guide us and we don’t have a flashlight to find our way.

Life can feel tipped upside down and inside out and we don’t feel grounded, sturdy and are basically grappling.

We don’t have the answers, and everything feels out of control, and we feel “lost” in this “unchartered terrain”.

The “unknown” is an area that we as humans tend to avoid and there is a lot of fear about the “unknown”.

My experience of feeling “lost”.

I want to share with you about my experience of feeling “lost” so you can possibly get a picture of what I am speaking to. In June 2020 I left where I was living to live by the sea. It had been my dream to do this for about 5 years. I had been stood down from my full time job because of Covid and this enabled me to make the move. I couldn’t find a place to move to before I left but went anyway because I thought I would find something in the month.

But prices of rentals had tripled. And no one was moving house because of Covid, so I continued to look for the next 6 months. In this time, I moved into holiday accommodation every week, two weeks, or three with my dog. Eventually I did find a place. I moved everything out of storage, moved in and then the next month the landlord wanted it back for an air b&b because they would get more money.

Also, at this time I became estranged from my child and when I packed up and started to look for another home my beloved dog companion I suddenly found out he had a brain tumour and had to be put down.

I had definitely moved into a deeper space of this “uncharted terrain” and feeling “lost”. It felt like a descent into the dark night of the soul. I honestly didn’t know if I would survive.

For the next nine months these two experiences took me into a dark place of grief, sadness and feeling “lost”.

I began to slowly move, let’s say up out of this place of grief and loss and feeling “lost” and decided to launch a new business but I wasn’t ready and stable enough to hold this so I lost a great deal of money, encountered shame around that and not being “successful”. I felt depressed and told myself I could not have what my heart desired, which is soul crushing. What made things worse was that I was really harsh on myself, critical, judgemental and retreated again into this dark unknown place and feeling “lost”.

I had also encountered the floods where I was living. I had just completed a two week fast to boost my health and wellbeing. With the floods I was living in a house full of mould, for about 6 weeks. Black toxic mould was growing on the walls, furniture, mattress, and I couldn’t open the windows because of the intensity of the rain. And even though each day I would clean everything to remove the mould it would return again and again overnight. I was breathing in mould spores for about six weeks.

My body became inflamed, I was coughing, it was difficult to breathe, and all my joints became sore, and mobility had become challenging. Even 5 months after this time an Osteopath measured my left knee to find it so inflamed compared to the right, it was 5 cm larger than the other one because of the mould and a previous injury to that knee.

I had become homeless after the floods as well and was trying to attend to my health. I felt “lost.

I began house sitting but my nervous system was on fight or flight mode because I had been assaulted in my last home and that is why I had become homeless.

I definitely felt “lost”, being in this “unchartered terrain” and I was judging myself and saying “why can’t I pull myself together” because I have so many skills, tools and modalities in my toolkit, but I was lost and in the unknown and always beating myself up, just making life worse for myself.

Do you feel that you have encountered a time like this after menopause or after you turned 50?

Have you been through a time of feeling “lost”?

Are you in this situation currently?

Can you relate to this experience since you have entered your post-menopausal years or during menopause?

I want to start having conversations about us encountering the menopausal and post – menopausal years. My intention for these conversations are to breakdown the feeling of being alone, or isolated. To share so we become more informed and reduce the anxiety we may feel during this time.  I want to create safe, intimate spaces where we can gather online and be together. I am going to begin to set these up in the next week so you can come and let your friends know. All free. Where you can feel we can share openly , in a caring, non-judgemental space because we know when women come together we all heal and we receive wisdom from others sharing and we can provide love and compassion for all who come.

. And stay tuned I have more to share about the “Hidden Secrets” for our journey over 50.

IMAGE: Chanel Baron

I love you so much.

Take care of you, be gentle and kind to you.

Much Love

Wendy

The Hidden “Secrets” of a Woman’s Journey over 50.

PART  – 3 – Change

Welcome back my dear one, so beautiful to be with you again and I’m so looking forward to sharing more about these hidden secrets about the journeys we encounter after we turn 50 maybe 60 maybe 70.

I’ve been sharing in Part 1 and Part 2 about my experiences but also the experiences of the women I’ve been having conversations with about this time. What we discovered that there’s this period of time that we go through, and it can be a long period of time, years or it could be not so long but it’s about being in the unknown and what I’ve labelled as “uncharted terrain”. And we talked about feeling “lost”. That this “unchartered terrain” that we had or were encountering was all new to us. Until that encounter we had felt like our lives were “quite together” and “in control”, you know we had mostly managed the children, relationships, careers, we had stepped along the career path, some of us had navigated the single life with children or  had no children, birthed businesses and, well you know, getting on with life and then suddenly we hit this period of time where things started to fall apart. And we started go into this time of a lot of change. And our body is changing but also there was something else that was changing and we didn’t really know how to navigate this time this “uncharted terrain”. We went into this space of feeling “lost” and may have been very judgmental and critical of ourselves because we didn’t have it “all together” or feeling “in control” especially you know like, we’ve been able to manage so much up till now.

I’m now going to turn our eyes towards what are these changes that can throw us into this time of feeling shame, uncomfortableness, make us feel like we’re not coping, managing, feel like we are “going crazy” and that life and ourselves are out of control which are associated with this “unchartered terrain” and feeling “lost”.

Some of us will encounter a number of these or one or two. There is no “formula” to it. The commonality of it is though, we enter into a time where we feel “lost”, its new, like the “unknown” and we don’t know how to navigate this “uncharted terrain.

THE CHANGES WE CAN ENCOUNTER IN THIS “UNCHARTERED TERRAIN”.

There are many changes, and we don’t usually encounter all of them but we can encounter a number of these.

CHANGE 1 – Our Menstrual Cycle Stopping

This section includes speaking about –

• If have not had children or you have made the decision not to have children
• Hysterectomy
• Associated thoughts, feelings, the realisation of not having any more children, worthlessness when our cycle stop
• 
  

The first one I shall share about that can take us into this “uncharted terrain” is the ceasing of our menstrual blood. When this first occurred for me, I immediately reacted and said to myself “what’s the use of me now”?

We are so plugged into producing things. Whether that’s children and mainly it does relate to children, or “doing things” to be productive in life. When I realised this could be my last Period or what I call it our “Moontime” I was faced with well “what’s the use of me now”. And there was a great deal of sadness about this because I realised this was the end of the time where I could have children. And accompanied with the sadness was a great deal of grief, which began to impact my wellbeing and my mindset. I started questioning my worth and this feeling of worthlessness crept in.

I wasn’t sure if this was my last Moontime but these feelings of worthlessness, grief and sadness definitely became embedded within me and affected me. I noticed from this time there was this low grade feeling of depression. I didn’t feel so alive and vivacious as I had felt before. I had entered into an “unknown” journey, now that I could not have children anymore.

This change can be an area where we encounter the “uncharted terrain” I have been mentioning and the feeling of being “lost”.

So how does this ceasing of our menstrual cycle affect women who have not had children? Firstly, for women if you have decided to delay becoming a Mother and then suddenly, and it may occur in your 30s or 40s that your Moontime stops. I am sure this could be devastating for you.

And how does this affect a women if you have made the decision to not have children and then you are faced with the ceasing of your menstrual cycle? I am sure this change has impacted you too.

All these three situations can take us into the “unchartered terrain” and feeling “lost”.

And I am wondering what you experienced at this time?

What were the changes you experienced related to the ceasing of your menstrual time?

And how did this experience impact you?

Hysterectomy

And I just want to also mention, although I don’t have personal experience of having a hysterectomy, but I want to include you women that have had a hysterectomy, as this is also a “unchartered terrain” filled with feeling “lost”. I don’t feel there is a lot of open discussion about how having a hysterectomy can and does impact women. It is definitely a hidden conversation.

And I was shocked by this information when I did a search on hysterectomies.

“About half a million hysterectomies are performed each year in the U.S. It is the second most common surgical procedure for women, after caesarean delivery (C-section). Most hysterectomies are performed between the ages of 40 and 50”.

I had no idea so many women experience hysterectomies.

I really wanted to presence you because you have gone through a huge change and I’m sure have encountered a vast range of feelings like rage, grief, loss and maybe relief too. The experience of having a hysterectomy and how it impacts a woman’s life is not widely and openly spoken about. I am not sure of the scope of your experience. However, I am sure for a majority of you it has been a “dark night of the soul”. I wanted to acknowledge you because I have been sharing about the ceasing of our menstrual cycles and I am sure there are some common feelings but you must be included into these hidden conversations that are not shared about.

Much Love my dearest

Wendy

The Hidden “Secrets” of a Woman’s Journey over 50.

CHANGE 2 – Associated changes with the ceasing of our Menstrual cycle –

This is a vast and wide range of changes that I feel has been shared about but not in an open conversation about how these can impact us to encounter this “uncharted terrain and feeling “lost” I am sharing about. I am going to mention some of these because most are widely documented. But I am certainly not discarding how these can impact us.

The symptoms,, for want of a better word associated with the “change of life” have been widely broadcast but as I said I am more interested in where they have taken us. Where they have lead us into times that are not so well known and spoken about. Many of these have taken us into the “unknown” and “unchartered terrain” where we have felt “lost”.

This is not an exhaustive list, and some do impact other areas of our lives, which I will speak into later. So please alert me if you have, because of encountering these “symptoms “and experiences related to the completion of your menstrual cycle which have taken you into “unchartered terrain”, made you feel “lost” and you know they are not being openly spoken about. Thank you.

These can be:

• wrinkles, cellulite,
• dry skin, dry mouth, dry vagina
• mindset changes
• feeling more emotional, irritability, mood swings
• depression
• loss of memory
• hot flashes, night sweats
• sleep problems and
• vaginal dryness.
• health physical related issues
• osteoporosis,
• loss of bladder control
• weight gain
• racing heart.
• headaches
• joint and muscle aches and pains.
• changes in libido (sex drive).
• facial hair growth
• a lack of motivation and difficulty concentrating.
• anxiety, depression, mood changes and tension.
• aggressiveness and irritability.
• loss of self-confidence

Much Love

Wendy